A lazy mans quest to get a baywatch body

1 month down (almost), 2 (and a bit) to go

Thu, 10 Apr 2008 00:25:28 +0200

One month into my campaign to get fit(including my ski holiday at the start). Well what are the results? My weight has dropped a stone exactly from 13st 5lb to 12st 5lb, my arms are less chicken wingy and more muscular, my legs and calves in particular are definitley larger and more toned, stomach a little less flabby... blah blah blah etc etc etc.

What are the real results? Well as far as I am concerned my motivation and goals for this 'fitness regime' I am putting myself through have changed entirely. Yes - I have lost weight, yes - my body looks less revolting, yes - I generally feel better about myself. However, the two most important things to come out of this so far are competitiveness and confidence. This does not relate to how good / bad I look compared to other people, but to consistently seeing out each work out, not having given up or slacked off, not even taking one a little bit easy. I cannot stress how happy I am with the development of my fitness, I can feel my stamina building and my strength growing, and this is reflected in the marked improvement of my results (my 2000m time on the rowing machine is now down to 7 mins 40 from 8 mins 2 four weeks ago).

I have always been a person who looks for the quick fix, someone who gives up way too soon. I have never believed myself capable of achieving anything off of my own back, I have always had to have someone to urge me on. Now it is different; once this campaign is over I will not stop, I will start a new one, and push myself more and more. Being competitive with oneself is to be truly alive and clearly is the path to fulfilling one's potential (if potential is really finite)

Just a little note to any of you thinking 'now hang on a minute, a weeks ski holiday and two and a half weeks on a rowing machine... this is all a bit over the top isn't it?'. Well I skiied from 9.15-5am every day of my holiday to the point where I had to go straight to bed as soon as I got off the slopes because I was so knackered. So far I have covered 108,728m on the rowing machine (spending 7 hours 27 minutes and 46 seconds on it to do so), that equates to roughly 11,000 metres or 45 minutes of hard rowing per session. I do four sessions in a week and then a fifth visit to the gym where I have a sub 500 calorie session where I go easy on a bike / do some low weight high repetition weight training in order to keep everything ticking over and help my recovery. According to the rowing machine thus far I have burned 7186 calories, not including those my body uses in the hours after the workout, nor taking account of the effect on my metabolism.

I will swear by the rowing machine, it has unlocked my competitiveness and is getting me serious results. My advice to people however would be to find something you get competitive with yourself doing, it isn't so much the means of getting fit, its developing the attitude to do so.

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Gym music and tv!?!?!? What is it all about!?!?!?

Tue, 01 Apr 2008 11:54:09 +0200

Yesterday's ordeal on the rowing machine was a particularly tough one, not helped buy cheesy European electro pop not only pumping out over the gym sound system, but also dominating the flat screens on the walls with associated music videos. Now maybe I am an oddity, but I would be inclined to argue that of all music you could put on, and furthermore all things you could be showing on the screen, European electro pop is about the most worthless and unhelpful. I accept that occasionally the pounding rhythms might help to keep someone’s rhythm on a running machine, but considering that the rhythm varies from track to track this makes its usefulness in this respect doubtful; surely if someone needs help keeping up a rhythm that much they should bring a metronome.

When I inflict exercise upon myself what I most want is to be distracted, so that I can forget that my heart is feeling like a hamster being microwaved, that my face has gone an embarrassing cherry tomato colour and that I am probably very close to drowning in my own sweat. Unfortunately some generic European music video with a George Michael look-alike sporting oversized sunglasses and rat tails is not quite sufficient to divert my attention more than momentarily.

What do I think they should play and show in Gyms? Well anything other than what seems to be the industry standard at the moment. Seriously anything from showing movies or documentaries or sitcoms or cartoons or some channel 4 shockumentary where a squirrel gets injected with lsd... indeed I'm even prepared to go so far as to suggest BBC News 24 as a preferable alternative to their current choice. As for audio, if it is not linked to the TV then how about Radio so you get some news and weather mixed in with low quality music, or failing that a good old fashioned story tape. In all seriousness though they really need to have a change of strategy, because most people need some form of distraction from the monotony of an exercise bike, rowing machine or treadmill and have intellect at least equal to, more likely greater than that of a block of lead, and thus need something more stimulating than rat-tailed tanned Europeans singing along to mass market pop songs to make exercise more bearable.

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In the beginning there was blubber...

Mon, 31 Mar 2008 15:25:29 +0200

In all honesty two years of University could have treated me better; standing in front of a mirror reveals the first signs of a gut, not dissimilar to the one which not too long ago I mocked my father for possessing. Whatever happened to that fine muscular rugby playing physique I had during the latter days of my school career? It must have snuck slyly away at some point of particular drunkenness or maybe when my back was turned ordering one of many late night kebabs.

It has got to the point where I have to face up to facts, I am essentially overweight, not too much mind, only a stone or so... well actually a stone and a half. This in itself is not a drastic situation at first glance; I am after all barely 20. However, the fact that my father, who is now quite a portly chap, at my age had a physique comparable to a thread of cotton doesn't bode to well for me in the future. I could of course entertain the thought that I might be more genetically akin to my mother, who is to this day stick thin, but alas unlike her I am unable to sustain myself on rabbit food. I shudder at daydreams where I see myself as a single 40 year old Jabba the Hut type character living in a slum because I have spent all my money on kebabs and drink. These visions have been pushing me towards the idea of becoming involved in some kind of regular exercise (or as I like to call it, self-inflicted torture).

I have also been single now for 5 months, and although I am not shallow enough to think that attraction is determined solely on physical appearance I do firmly believe that I am more attractive with one chin rather than two. Indeed better physical appearance might be beneficial not only in making members of the opposite sex look more fondly upon me, but also in terms of my own self-confidence.

It took a skiing holiday for me to realise the extent of my fitness, or rather the extent of its decline. The experience of being hot and sweaty when skiing barely being able to catch my breath after some runs shocked me into action; essentially it represented the tiny straw that broke the camels back. The rest of my holiday was spent skiing as hard as I could pushing myself to what I was tempted to believe was the edge of cardiac arrest in order to try and get some fitness back before I hit the gym.

Upon returning to the UK I browsed health, fitness and dieting sites on the internet and came to the following conclusion; I was not going to follow some strict dieting regime, I wouldn't stick to it, and everything looked too much hassle. Most of the meals I encountered in these dieting plans included ridiculously exotic foods and various types of Nuts and Berries that I'd never even heard of, let alone expected to be able to find with ease in the supermarket. What I was going to do however was replace most (not all) of my snacking foods with fruit and try and steer clear of those late night drunken kebabs.

The wealth of information on exercise programmes, muscle building and weight-loss on the internet is truly astounding and quite daunting. I decided to steer clear of all programmes involving ridiculously complex exercises that only work if you have the flexibility of an elastic band. Instead I opted for the rowing machine and the exercise bike, doing simple varied programmes four times a week on the rowing machine and then the odd session on the bike as a warm-down or when I wanted to do some exercise on one of my days off from rowing. I considered running, but I have bad knees and am prone to shin splints and of all manners in which you can perform cardiovascular exercise running appears, from what I have read, to have the most potential for injury.

I chose a personalised exercise programme off of a rowing website which when I filled in my details and desires with regard to weightless claimed it would trim off around 8kg (1.25 stone or approximately 18 pounds) over ten weeks. Realistically, following it religiously, I hope to trim off between 5 and 7kg. I have just finished the first week of the programme and have consolidated the 5 pounds I lost during my ski holiday with the loss of a further two pounds. I would describe my mood as buoyantly optimistic, Baywatch body here I come....

As I get fitter / slimmer I may well post some photos up illustrating my progress but at this stage in time I wouldn’t want to put anyone off their supper.

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